Blindsighted

I don't know what is going on with me.

I've become... mentally agitated.
Normally this would be stress. However I prefer to categorize stress as being caused by external matters, while whatever I'm feeling now is largely internal.

For the first time the other day, I felt lonely.
Lonely? What? I do not recall feeling this for over a year now. I normally revel in any and all isolated time. I'm guessing that I got used to the extreme social activity from winter break.

That, or the Dietsch gene caught me off gaurd.
There's this thing I inherited, and have been really aware of it for about two or three years now.
A wave of depression will wash over me for a few days, or perhaps a week. It is unfounded, unexplainable, and out of nowhere. Often it comes at odd times, when really cool stuff is happening at school or socializing or whatever.
I'm sure this is a common occurance in the general population. Everyone has their down times. The extreme down times, they of course call "clynical depression."
I'm not sure if I have this, or perhaps I don't understand the definition of depression.

What I CAN do is shake it off. I can whisk it away with logic, normally before it gets the better of me, but sometimes it gets the points. I'd like not to be a sore looser.

I feel stupid and selfish when I forget that:
I'm going to a great school in a fabulous city with marvelous friends.
I could not ask for a better sweetheart.
My art is always improving.
Though my brother and sister-in-law are up in Alaska, they are happy.
My sister is marrying a most upstanding man this August.
My parents and grandparents are healthy, and are always a home for me.


First Angstey post of the year! yay. Thanks for your patience.
Love.